But JESUS, overhearing what was being spoken, said to the synagogue official, “Do not be afraid any longer, only believe.”
OK, I know that the last post was on verse 34 so I obviously did not get far in my reading before God hit me with another Truth. The Bible is kind of packed with those things. Imagine your favorite smiling emoji here. He’s good about sharing those things with me, when I really want to hear and find and know. So for today’s insight —
GOD can make a way where there seems to be no way. I described the emotional spiritual assault I am under in the last post. It really doesn’t let up. No matter how I try, it is the first thing I think about in the morning, the last thing at night and most moments in between, it is hanging around in the back of my mind ready to jump into any spare moment. It is a familiar “friend” but has disastrous consequences of which I am fully versed. So I know I don’t want to go there — well, my mind knows this. My fickle emotions, not so much. It is a constant battle to keep my thoughts pure.
The odd thing is, all my history and empirical evidence cries:
This is the end.
No point, over before it’s started.
Fallen at the gate and can’t get up.
Out of the game.
All hope lost before any attempt or action.
Doomed to failure — don’t even try.
It will only end in heartbreak and shame.
You’ll only end up looking and feeling foolish — AGAIN!
These are the fears that whisper in my ear as I want something – someone – as much as or perhaps even more than anything or anyone in my life. I don’t WANT to go through the terrible feeling of rejection and failure and foolishness — again! I don’t want to chase what I want only to find it is only my fleshly fantasy –again — and not what GOD wants or plans for me.
I don’t want to falter at the gate in fear though, if GOD is changing the historical precedent and pattern and bringing me something new to replace the expectation of heartache and pain. I don’t want to miss the new by clinging to past failures. But I don’t want to presume too much on the idea that what I want is what He is bringing to pass and miss the glorious reality of what He is actually doing. I don’t want to be so caught up in my fantasy that I miss His reality.
I don’t want to cheat on reality with a fantastical version that will never come to pass or meet my expectations. I don’t want to be afraid any longer — I want to believe that He is bringing about something good, better than my fantasies– even when history and fickle emotion cry “impossible” and war with my flesh. I want what He wants more. I don’t want to be afraid of losing what I think I want but which has never been mine to begin with, if He has something better in mind.
I don’t want to doubt His power and His goodness. I don’t want to seek certainty more than trusting in Him, believing He can change the habits and patterns of failure and heartbreak and give me new expectations and realities far greater. I don’t need to be afraid — only believe in what He is doing.
Where my flesh is involved though, that can be easier said than done. I need His strength to carry on and walk through His story of my life until I can clearly see what He has planned to do and how foolish my fears have been all along.
Thank You for being my Strength where I am weak. Please show me clearly if my desires are of You — if I am having a hard time getting them under control because of fear and flesh and spiritual warfare — or if I am fighting against something new You are trying to do in my life because success and requitement are unfamiliar ground in this area. Help me to banish my fears and walk confidently in whatever You have planned. I want what You want for me. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
Be strong and courageous for the LORD your GOD will go with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9
I am not ashamed for I know in Whom I have believed and am convinced that He is able to guard that which I have entrusted to Him until that day. 2 Timothy 1:12