“Behold, we count those blessed who endured. You have heard of the endurance of Job and have seen the outcome of the LORD’s dealings, that the LORD is full of compassion and is merciful.”
STILL waiting on final details. I won’t pretend I am happy about this, but I have my promises from GOD so I know it will work out in the end — even though I fervently wish the end was a week ago like they originally promised. Some have told me I must have the patience of Job to keep waiting while they string this out for every jot and tittle and redundancy they can possibly squeeze out of it. Sure–if that’s what you want to call it. I wouldn’t call what I am feeling patience exactly, but I am not as emotionally undone about it as some others on my behalf.
I am eager to move forward, restless to take action in that direction but I am not agonizing over the outcome because God has that in His hand, I know what He has spoken as Truth over my life and the direction He is taking me and the kids. So I know we are in good hands and good things are coming. I know we win in the end….and I don’t just mean the final end when He returns for us. I mean here, now in the land of the living. As in “I would have despaired unless I had believed [with all my heart] that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.” Psalm 27:13
Easy no. But I’ve been out on this limb with Him for a LONG time and He hasn’t dropped me yet. I see no reason or probability He would start now. It would contradict His character so it just won’t happen. Even in my eager restlessness I can have peace and confidence that He has all things under control and everything is proceeding according to His good plan….even if I wish His timeline moved a little faster and I would dearly love for Him to light a fire under a few bureaucrats. But my emotional stability and mental health is not all tied up in things I can’t control.
Some have marveled at how I do it — and I can’t really explain it because it’s not me. It’s GOD. He has brought me through a long process of adjusting my thinking patterns — a process that I am seeing more and more goes WAY back, as in decades, and consists of, as my pastor puts it, choosing His way and then choosing it again and again and again until I don’t have to consciously choose it every time. It’s habit — more or less. Not that I get it perfectly done every time but it is more and more my instinctive reaction the older I get and the more of Him that I know.
When things don’t make sense or disaster looms, leave it in His hands. When things take longer than I want, breathe, rest and leave it in His hands. When things are out of my control, leave it in His hands. It is a waste of my time and energy to worry and fret and try to arrange things on my own. Whenever I have tried that, it never works out very well — generally, I end up in a worse situation than what I started with.
Thing is if I really trust God, I don’t need a plan B. If I have a plan B, I am not really trusting God. If things seem to be falling apart, God must have a reason and I need to walk through it and learn from it, not try to avoid it and miss the lessons so He has to put me through the remedial class and try again before we can move on. I cannot shortcut the lessons God wants to impress on me to prepare me for the next step He has planned for my life. He will repeat the lesson as many times as necessary until I get it so the sooner I catch on and trust Him even when it seems like I am falling, the sooner I can get to the good stuff, the blessings He has planned for those who are faithful.
He has molded, shaped and carved me for this moment in time and I am paying painstakingly close attention to His every word and move this time around to make sure I get it right so we can move on. So that’s how I do it…I don’t. I let Him do all the work and listen carefully for my cues. I go when He goes and stay when He stays and spend a lot of time keeping silent and just watching Him work things I could never do on my own. And I trust Him implicitly. I relinquished control of the story of my life to the Author who is a far greater Writer than I could ever be even if I had 10 books on the New York Times bestseller list at once.
When I stopped trying to control and manipulate things to go the way I thought would be best and let Him give me what He KNOWS to be best, my life suddenly started going alot better. Chronic issues, although full solutions are still in progress, started to heal and go away. There is light at the end of the tunnel even if the last hundred yards seems to crawl along at a snail’s pace when I want to sprint to the finish. But knowing that He is directing the whole process gives me peace to wait without getting flustered (note I did not say I do not get frustrated and annoyed with the bureaucrats because that would be a flat out lie!) and letting things beyond my control control my emotions.
I choose instead to focus my thoughts and emotions on His sufficiency and take captive any lesser thoughts and remove them from my brain before they can take root and become a place upon which to ruminate and dwell and brood darkly. I choose to focus on obedience to Christ and to set my mind on whatever is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely and of good repute. I choose to leave the details of my life in His hands and let Him fight for me, root out all the vague, shadowy dark alleyways that could shipwreck my life and bring me into the place of victory just as He as promised. That is my equilibrium, my stability and endurance power in the midst of a very rocky storm of life and it’s not about me. It’s always and only about Him. He is my stone of help and He will never leave nor forsake me. Amen and amen!
Be strong and courageous for the LORD your GOD will go with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9
I am not ashamed for I know in Whom I have believed and am convinced that He is able to guard that which I have entrusted to Him until that day. 2 Timothy 1:12