“And I gave you a land on which you had not labored and cities which you had not built and you have lived in them; you are eating of vineyards and olive groves which you did not plant. Now therefore, fear the LORD and serve Him in sincerity and in Truth.”
My constant refrain since our ongoing difficulties reached the crisis melting point last year has been “God, I will do whatever it takes to make this better, to move forward, make a new start and do it right in Your eyes. Just show me what to do. I am not afraid of hard work. I know I was part of making this mess and it is my responsibility to do anything You require to turn the situation around. Just tell me what it is and I will do it.” While the intent of my heart has been right in not expecting handouts and an easy ride, I have getting more nudges lately towards scriptures like “Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10 and “The LORD will fight for you while you keep silent.” Exodus 14:14.
I have worked so hard doing everything I am supposed to do to take responsibility for our situation and moving us forward, to the point of exhaustion most days. Maybe it’s my firstborn perfectionist tendencies in overdrive but I don’t want anyone to think I am slacking off or expecting someone else to solve problems that are my responsibility. I don’t want to miss the thing that is going to turbo-charge the turnaround because I wasn’t paying attention or missed a key detail of something I could/should do. My vigilance drive has been in overdrive because as much as other people may care and try to help — and we do appreciate their help and prayers, for sure – no one loves my family as much as I do (except GOD, of course!) and feels the urgency of the situation and the need to move us forward into a new normal as much as I do. No one wants it more than I do and feels the motivation for changing our lives like I do.
That’s not a judgment call on anyone – this is my life, my kids’ lives, my responsibility, no one else’s. No one outside the situation has lived and breathed all the whys and wherefores of how we got here and therefore cannot really, truly comprehend the things I need to do to solve it and why certain options that may seem “obvious” are simply not possible or even patently inadvisable in our circumstances. I cannot play anyone an audio recording of God’s voice talking to me giving me explicit instructions (about certain things, not all things!!) but nonetheless, I know that I know that I know when He is talking to me. I know the difference between His voice and my voice.
Lately though, I have begun to hear instructions to rest and let Him fight this battle for me. I am working so hard at doing the right thing but He just wants me to rest and trust that He will take care of this. I don’t need a contingency plan. I just need to trust that He is my safety net, not man-made “programs” or charity, no matter how well intentioned.
The challenge for me is just sitting still and waiting for His plan to play out because I want to “help.” I am action-oriented and if there is an end goal in mind, I want to be out movin’ and shakin’ and gettin’ it done, doing my part. It does not come naturally to me to sit back and wait for someone else to act on my behalf. If someone wants to help, that’s fine. But I want to show proper appreciation by helping the helper and moving things along towards conclusion. Loose ends really bother me and so does sitting around talking about possible solutions without actually doing anything. I don’t want to waste time wallowing in complacency or self-pity. We have a job to do…lets GIT R DONE!
But God doesn’t need my help. God’s provision is not limited to that which I can produce or earn by my own effort. In fact, all my working to exhaustion is a drop in the bucket compared to what He can and is doing on my behalf. If I am faithful to walk with Him step by step, He can make a way where there seems to be no way. He can open up seemingly impossible paths that are out of sync with that which I could achieve merely by my own hand. His hand has an exponential multiplication effect. When His hand touches my smallness and what are really piddly little efforts in the grand scheme of things, the effect is explosive. As my pastor likes to say, “Little is much when God is in it.”
Thank You for Your provision so far. Help me to remain faithful and rest when You say rest without trying to hurry things along by helping when You don’t need my help. Please multiply my small parts and bring the kids and I into the fullness of the blessing that You intend for us. Let me not be limited to or distracted by my own efforts but fully rely on Yours to bring us to the good place where little becomes much because You are in it! Let me look only for You for rescue and deliverance and not the hand of man — mine or anyone else’s — that You alone may receive the glory and honor for the goodness You are even now bestowing upon us and will continue to pour out until You lead us into the place of promise where no shame, regret or smell of smoke shall reside upon us though we walk through fire to find the blessings You have promised me. I hold only to Your Word and hear only Your voice. Please hear me and see me and show me Your goodness in the land of the living. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.
Be strong and courageous for the LORD your GOD will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9
I am NOT ashamed for I know in Whom I have believed and am convinced that He is able to guard that which I have entrusted to Him until that day. 2 Timothy 1:12