This is not going to be a real formal post. I am just musing on an excellent weekend with my mom and my friend Sarah at Women of Faith and how God knows just what I need even before I know I need it. Which just happens to be one of the many points the speakers made this weekend that hit me right between the eyes and burrowed into the secret cracks of my heart.
I have been going to these conferences for several years with my mom and it’s always good but I’ve never been in a place where I could really relate to most of the stories and experiences that they would talk about. So it was always just kind of a head knowledge kind of thing. But this year, with the way my life has imploded – “Survival to Revival” is TOTALLY the theme of my life right now!! So from Lysa T.’s opening with Abigail (who has been MUCH on my mind this last year), to Lisa B.’s talk of courage for the battle and June’s differentiation between forgiveness and reconciliation to Christine and Lisa H. — “Let your hope in the Lord be bigger than your disappointment about life.” It was completely like they designed this conference specifically for me!
Of course, that would be self-centered and egotistical to think that’s actually what happened….but God knows and sees exactly everything in my heart and mind, what is said–and not said–to me and about me, all the secret things that I don’t tell anyone or even know how to put into words sometimes. And it was so divinely ordained and appointed for me to be there this year more than any other year.
Then I found Lysa T.’s post this morning — posted just after the conference ended:
“Sometimes relationships grow stronger through conflict. But other times relationships end. Because I can’t control the other person, I must keep focusing on the good God is working out in me through this and leave the outcome with Him.”
Again exquisite timing that can only be evidence of God’s sovereignty as I come to an end and have to “let go and let God” as the saying goes or in another quote from Lysa T.’s talk, remember that “God is good and God is really good at being God,” so I just need to let go and let Him do His job and get on with the assignments He’s given me. I am so glad He is my sword and my shield in this battle. He is my hope and my salvation and my very breath of life to get through each day!
I am sad that the other party steadfastly refused to walk through any kind of healing and reconciliation process. But excited to see where God’s adventure leads next….already getting some hints that I will be THRILLED to see come to fruition as they point in the direction of a lifelong dream of writing. Praying that it becomes a self-sustaining, livable income! Please keep the kids and I in your prayers as we walk out the reality of what our new life will become,that we would stay close to God and follow His lead alone and not listen to the well-meaning but foolish advice of mere men. May we have the phuqa (sp?? Lysa spelled it for us but I didn’t write it down. Pronounced /foo-ka/, Greek for foolishness, Nabal-style) freedom, God’s forgiveness for past foolishness and God’s grace for prevention of future foolishness!
I am in a waiting zone and working hard to do the parts God calls me to have a hand in to wipe away the heartache of the past and move into a new normal. I am very thankful to God that He is the one in charge of this messed up life and leading me on the path of healing and revival. I have run to the tower of the Lord and He is saving me day by day, pulling me out of the pit, the muck and the mire and making all things new. That is why I can say I serve an awesome God (and yes Christine, I am thinking it in Australian — LOL!!) and He has won my heart and my life completely and totally from the inside out!! I don’t want to go anywhere without Him — not for one second of one day! “Redeemer, Restorer, Rebuilder, Rewarder. To only a God like You do I give my praise!”
Be strong and courageous for the LORD your GOD will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9
I am not ashamed for I know in Whom I have believed and am convinced that He is able to guard that which I have entrusted to Him until that day. 2 Timothy 1:12